What's next?

Have you ever been completely clueless about something in your life particularly about what's ahead for you in the future or maybe your purpose of existence?  It may sound weird but this state of total "bumness" that I am in right now makes me wonder about those things. Haha!

I've been here actually. But this time, I'm pretty sure it's worse. Moving forward after leaving a life I was so used to a year ago was really THE biggest decision I should've taken more seriously. Ugh! 

And after a year, the biggest question I'm still trying to answer is "What's next?"

Yeah, yeah. Things happened and there's no sense in regretting now. And come to think of it, there's really no one to blame about everything that's happened but myself. It's just that starting from scratch was really harder than I thought.   

But what's good about what's happening to me right now is that I'm getting to know myself more and more.  I've learned to care more about how I look and about how I carry myself in front of people. Also, I am getting stronger facing the world knowing that one day, things will turn out the way I want them. I have also developed that renewed sense of faith; that God is the only one who understands what I'm going through right now.

I basically have what I need but I know life can get better if I help make it better for us. Material things can't make you happy, PURPOSE and that sense of usefulness will. And that's what I need to have/find out. Only then will I feel complete and useful again.

On a lighter note and to those who care, LOL, I just got back from a two-month vacation again in SG. I intentionally overate and eventually gained a few pounds because my mom didn't like how I look last year. Haha! And yes, still struggling to settle down, career-wise. Somebody land me a job already! LOL

Random Thoughts on a Wednesday

Being alive for 23 years now would be the greatest blessing that I should be thanking God for. I’ve realized that despite my grievances and angst towards the world, I should be thanking the Lord that I am breathing, living each day with my family, friends, career, and all the other things that give me happiness everyday. I’ve realized that instead of focusing on having the things that I don’t have, why not focus on appreciating the things that I have, right?

Indeed, there is no sense in the term “perfect life” because there’s no such thing as perfect. I’m sure that no single person in this world is living perfectly – without problems or worries or frustrations. I am 100% sure that even the wealthiest person in this planet lacks a thing in his or her life that he or she wants so badly. Same is true in my case. I know, in spite of who I am and what I have right now, I know something is still missing. It’s that “something” that gives me the gloomy feeling sometimes. I still don’t know what it is but I am trying, as much as possible, to keep away from that thing. Unfortunately today, it went straight into my nerves that made me so laid back and lonely (that’s why I thought of releasing that lonely feeling through this entry. Haha!).

Counting my blessings and being positive at all times are two things that I’ve learned to develop as habits. Every morning, as soon as I opened my eyes, the first thing that I would do is to smile. The next thing would be to utter my daily mantra, “Today will be a good day!” It’s really weird but after doing these things every morning, I am able to go on with the day. At the end of the day, I would reflect.

I just don’t know what happened today that my habits were defeated by the gloominess that I feel. I am not me today. I feel lazy that I don’t want to think about my pending tasks. I want this day to be over.

I won’t surrender, though. I’ll keep uttering my mantra until I feel better. I can do this. I will do this. I will be okay. I will be happy.

Forever.