Grow Up!

What do you really want in life?

I've been asking myself this question over and over after earlier's interview by a former boss. It was a lousy but one of the most memorable job interviews I've had. I was the one who's lousy, well, maybe because I've known her before and that gave me enough confidence that it'll just be more of a chitchat rather than an interview. 

And I was wrong! Haha! It's like I've entered a war totally unprepared. And when that magic question, "Where do you see yourself in the future?," popped out, I was like --

I don't even remember the exact answer I've given or if that's really where I see myself a few years more. I was totally frazzled. What I remember clearly was telling my ex-boss, "Ang hirap po pala maging adult," and she burst into laughter.

I had to let go of all my inhibitions that time and tell her what I've been through when I left the company and what I feel at this stage in my life. And I was so glad that she completely understands me. She was really kind. That's mainly the reason why I admire her and her family. They're rich but they surely know how to value their people even though they've parted ways with them already. 

At the end of our conversation, she gave me tips on where to start. She told me it's never too late at my age. However, everything expires so I should hurry up. She totally understands that, career-wise, I'd still want to explore a lot of things but she also emphasized that it's time to GROW UP. Makes sense. I've been going with the flow for too long. I'm 28 and clueless. 

I guess I should ask myself that "What do you really want in life?" question more often until I figure out the answer. Oh well!

Birthday "Gifs" and Random Thoughts

Finally got the inspiration to write again tonight. But seriously, what's there to write about?! Haha! I'm writing this post with my mom in the background playing mobile games on her phone and seriously, I don't know the relevance of telling that. That's how random this post is gonna get. LOL

My emotions are high again the past few days. For one, I am turning 28 tomorrow and another thing is that I am still "idle" up until now. I feel like I've just wasted my 27th year "going with the flow." That sucks, right?

 

Relatively, though, I am still blessed compared to those who really don't have much in life. I still get to travel, eat good food and buy what I want (thanks to my family!). The only difference is that lack of self fulfillment I once had. How can someone who's been living a structured life for the past 26 years be so lost now?

    

LOL. I am not weeping. I just think that this can't go on forever. There's a lot of stuff about self-improvement going on in my mind right now but I really (STILL) don't know where to start.

I feel like I didn't grow up. And I really don't know what's ahead of me. All I know is that I need to get out of this situation as I keep telling myself over and over again. My life right now is like:

Not really getting anywhere.

It's a good thing that I am always in constant communication with my family and REAL friends who have been very supportive. It's like I'm still doing the right thing even though I know in my heart it's not. Haha! Snap! Snap!

One thing about being idle is that you have plenty of time to think. But most of the time, I tend to over think. And it really sucks to the point that I get paranoid over something. Ugh!

But if there's one good thing that this idleness has given me is that I've learned to be patient and go back to the things that used to make me happy. I am slowly discovering myself.

I've also learned that in the end, there's no one there to help you but yourself. It's your life! There are real friends of course and your family and you must treasure them. The others, they're just curious about what stupid stuff you'll do and will just gossip about them. Well, I'm used to them.

Lastly, I know that what I am going through right now isn't permanent. God has a reason for this; a bigger plan, maybe? And that's basically the reason why I still get to wake up in the morning with a smile on my face and a positive attitude.

There are still a lot of reasons to be thankful for. The fact that I've been existing for 28 years now is one, and there are many others. 

I may have down times and struggles but I know that these things will not stop me from believing. I maybe lost right now but I am definitely trying to find my way out. I maybe broke but I am not broken. Life may get me down but I'll definitely get up.

This journey will go on and I will not stop. With God guiding me, I know I will never be wrong. To my friends and loved ones, THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE! I am forever grateful. 

To my fake friends and detractors,

Kidding! Hahaha! God bless you! :)

Damn! This is such a long entry. I don't even know how to end it. Oh! well, Let's just all be happy. :)

It's my birthday in a few hours and I am partayyin! LOL