The Reboot

Everything was just like yesterday.

I can still vividly recall everything in my mind: that moment I stepped foot in Singapore’s Changi airport bound for Qatar, the first few days of adjustments in Doha and the numerous job interviews I’ve had to endure before (finally!) landing one.

It’s been a year! :)

When my family sent me off for Qatar, I really had a heavy heart but I had to pretend I was fine. I didn’t want to speak too much to any of them lest I’ll start crying. I avoided being in that plight but I guess things were really just meant to happen that way.

It wasn’t the first time I’ve left the country but it was definitely the first time I’ve left knowing I won’t be back any time soon. It was also the first time I traveled abroad weeping. I was in an emotional struggle. I was a mess. I was trying to win a war I had created internally and while I know I have my family’s full support, I was really scared.

I was afraid of so many things that time, which included failure, loneliness, (and maybe) dying early. Haha! If you’ve been reading my previous posts, you’ll understand where I’m coming from. Hehe.

But God really knows what he’s doing and voila! :) It’s been a year and as of this writing, I would say that I have already fairly adjusted with my new life. I’m still trying to cope with a lot of things in Doha but I’m getting by. Time, as they say, really passes by fast and with all the things that had happened, I guess I was reborn. I didn’t even think I’d last this long here.

Qatar is a very different place compared to the Philippines. It’s a very wealthy country but as they say, “not everything that glitters is gold.” Haha! Kidding! Seriously, while I can enumerate a number of things I hate about this place (most especially the transportation system!), I’ve learned to love Doha as a second home. It sort of saved me from the misery I was in. It gave me the chance to redeem myself. It isn’t the perfect place for moving on but I’ve come to terms with its imperfections. I guess this is where exactly I should be.

Moving on was never easy. While things were going smoothly here, I was still in doubt for the most part of the year. I was still convinced that I’ll die soon. Haha! I guess it’s really the idleness and the fear of the future that fueled all these crazy thoughts. The past two years of not knowing what to do with my life was really a stress. Moreover, the thought that I have a degenerating disease added up to that.

It was when I started letting God take over my life that everything went back to normal again. I freed myself with all the worries and just lifted everything to Him. If I’m going to die, then I might as well do something good for my family – this became my new mantra. Haha! So instead of wasting my days worrying, I focused on landing a job but not totally pressuring myself to the point where I’d end up frustrated (and even more stressed and depressed). I just believed in God’s plan and while I still don’t know exactly what it is, I think that it led me to this job I have right now.

Since then, I slowly started feeling better again. I slow started to rekindle shelved hobbies and goals. I slowly started being me again while pieces of my life’s puzzle were also getting into their places properly. It was a reboot. I guess I just really needed a change of environment and a diversion (my new job) to be normal again. And I also realized that there’s really no way of telling when is our time to die. It’s not in our hands. All we can do for now is to just seize every single moment of our lives and be ready when the time has come to face our Creator.    

Hump Day Thoughts

Well, hey! It's my third month here in Singapore and by this time, I am proud (with sarcasm) to say that I am still unemployed.  Yeah,  fate's not been so good to me here or maybe just teaching me a lesson. Haha!  

Seriously speaking -- or writing -- I should be weeping already by now, well, if I were my old self.  It's no joke that I left a job for an uncertain future here.  I just left everything behind just like that to think that I was already earning enough in the Philippines.  Well, enough to sustain the life I was living and enough to regularly share a portion to the family.  

I could say that this journey is one of the most challenging life transitions I've faced. The uncertainty of the future really creeps me out.  But if someone will ask me if I regret anything, I'll proudly say NONE!  Yeah, none at all. :)

The decision to leave my previous job wasn't easy but it was something that had to be done.  Looking back, I think that even without this Singapore plan, I would've still resigned and look for another job.  It might sound like my job was too bad (in every way) but honestly, it wasn't.  It was actually the best job anyone could aspire for.  I wouldn't have spent almost four years in the Foundation if it was that bad.  Haha!  So what made me leave? Uhm, let's just say I was not enjoying the drama anymore and the mood wasn't as lively as it used to be.  And that somehow depressed me.

Hadn't I took the courage to do that, I wouldn't have experienced this awesome long vacation with the entire family.  Hadn't I did what I did, I wouldn't have realized a lot of things.  First, it's really more fun in the Philippines.  You maybe somewhere in the globe right now but there will come a point where you will wish to just go back.  It's not fun living in a place where you are treated as a second class citizen.  Not that I am discriminated here but being surrounded by egoistic people makes me homesick.  I've also realized that money can't overpower pride.  Most kababayans I've spoke with here told me to just grab any job that's available.  I've considered that but thinking thoroughly, I just think that it's a desperate move.  Not that I am being choosy or anything but I just can't picture myself working in a restaurant or a mall selling products.  I mean that would be the most desperate thing I'll do for money.

Whatever happens in my remaining days here, I'll just accept it.  After all, I still have a home to go back to.  I think God wanted me to experience all of this to show me how lucky I am compared to some.  He gave me options.  He made me see that it's not a wonderland out there, abroad.  And also, this break re-energized me, made me want to do things and apply for jobs that suit me.

The future is still uncertain, but I'll be tougher.  I'll stay positive and face every day with confidence for I know that God is with me.  Everything will be okay in His time.  :)

What Keeps Me Going

It's 12:40 in the morning, Maundy Thursday, and I suddenly felt the need to write. I dunno what's gotten into me this morning but I just know that I have to release these thoughts (and Twitter wasn't helping at all! LOL). Well, let's just say this is my way of reflecting. :P

Okay. So where do I begin? Uhm, It's been almost two months already since I left home. Yes, as of this writing, I am currently in Singapore, UNEMPLOYED, and looking for career opportunities here. It was never easy to let go of my previous job. In fact, it was one of the toughest decisions I've made in my entire life. It's like I've left a life and was born again. It was painful but I would like to believe that God paved the way because it's part of His plans for me. It would not have happened flawlessly if He thinks that I'm not ready yet to face another chapter in my life.

So SG was "that" next phase (or is it?). While I was a bit nervous about this SG thing, I was also hopeful and excited to see what it's like to be in a foreign land. I was idealistic. My plan was to go on vacation for a month and cram job hunting on the second month. Haha! Yeah, that's how idealistic I was when I got here. So the first week, I did nothing but go here and there, eat, explore, have fun. It became easy for me to fall in love with the place. I mean, who wouldn't? SG is such a peaceful place to live in. Well, it's just expensive. So having realized that, I had to act fast and look for a job already if I want to stay longer.

Weeks of job hunting passed and still there was no luck. I've been to career expos, bought broadsheets on a daily basis just for that Classified Ads section, searched the Internet and even sought the aid of agencies but they didn't bring me any good news. Finally, a job offer came in with the help of my brother but it wasn't in line with my background. It's a totally different field, which is Architecture. What do I know about Architecture?! Lol So I've decided to turn down the offer and just wait for other opportunities. Well, I maybe wrong since my days here are already numbered. Haha! I'm bound to go home in two weeks if I won't still get employed. But my heart tells me that I did the right thing and I know that God won't let me be in situation that I could not bear.

What's surprising is the fact that I still get to smile and be positive despite all of these "not-so-good" things happening in my career right now. I dunno. I just feel that no matter what, God will always be there for me and that my story is still being written so I should not feel down. If I were my old self, I would've drown myself into depression already. Haha! But thinking about all the blessings that He has given me all these years, I think I couldn't ask for more. I sometimes feel sad that my life's moving slowly these days but I know that He's now working on His plans for me and I am excited about that. I know that despite the sins I have and been committing, He's always there to forgive.

Of course, I wouldn't be this optimistic without my family and close friends beside me who have been very supportive. I feel sooooo loved and that's very important -- the assurance that no matter what comes, they will always be there.

Okay. This is already sounding like the credits page of a music album. LOL. I'm sleepy. Here's hoping to a brighter day. I think I'm okay now. I mean, whatever happens tomorrow, I'm prepared. Thank you Lord and I love you. Thank you for always clearing up my mind. :)