Monday, April 21, 2014

Somewhere Only We Know

Uncertainties. Uncertainties. Ugh! Paralyzing. Since I,ve had that upper back muscle tension two months ago (which, I think is getting better now), I really find it hard to recover from overthinking. And yeah, maybe I got depressed already in the process. Up until now, I still don't have a clue about what really caused that muscle tension that really freaked me out, which according to the "general public" was just in my head. Haha! 
Well, my attempts to feel better worked, I guess, but negative thoughts still linger in my head and I hate it. 

How do you stop your mind from wandering? How do you deal with that "fight or flight" situations that it creates? It's really hard to predict what's gonna happen in the future and I don't know why I've developed this habit of expecting doom and preparing for its aftermath. It's like I'm waiting on something that may not happen at all. But why do I do this to myself? I don't know. Really. 

But if there's any good this thing did to me was that it strenghtened my faith in God. I've learned to lift everything up to Him and trust His plans. I've realized that no matter how hard I worry, things will happen if they're meant to happen. What can we do right now is to try to make things perfect and be happy while we're still given the chance. Seize the moment. Enjoy every minute. We'll never know what the future could bring but if we have faith, we are assured that everything will be alright in the end. 

I'm in SG again for vacation,btw. Haha! :)

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Brain Power

Amazing what our brains can do. It has the power to make us feel really strong and also has the power to makes us feel terrible.

About a month ago, I suddenly had this back muscle tension. At first I didn't really pay attention to it since it was manageable. It was the day when I decided I'd go back to lifting weights again after two or three weeks of hiatus. Anyway, as the days went by, the tension went from manageable to being bothersome and instead of having it checked up, I sought help from the Internet. That was my biggest mistake!

From a simple muscle tension, the list of dreaded diseases came crossing in my mind and I was really scared. At one point, I almost convinced myself that I really have some of those diseases and it was really depressing. It paralyzed me to the point that I am no longer the person I was before this tension came in the picture. And since I was believing this idea that I am sick, the tension in my back just kept intensifying that contributed more to my nervousness and worry. I would wake up from sleep feeling bothered because I was thinking about my back just before I went to bed. I'd panic about all the other small twitches or aches I'd feel. Ugh! It's really crazy! It's as if my brain is telling me that I am sick because it's what I wanted to believe. Approaching life changes also contributed to the stress.

When I finally reached the point of a blur, I decided to get myself checked and I was also hoping I could get some drugs that would help ease the tension. But then, all I got was a long lecture. The doctor told me that he didn't think I'm physically sick. He said I must have only exaggerated that simple tension and it dragged me this long because I won't let go the idea that it's something serious. He even joked that he knows a psychiatrist just in case. Well, it wasn't funny at that time for me because I really think I was going crazy. Lol

Dang! I hate how I think when I feel something about my body. I've always been health conscious but hypochondriasis is a terrible thing. The doctor told me to stay away from readings on the Internet as most of them are still not that proven true. He also told me to try to change the way I think and focus on other things aside from worrying about my health or my back per se.

When I got home, I still have these negative thoughts in my head but I was trying to remove them. It's like a drug that when you indulge yourself thinking about it, it'll take toll on you. It's hard and up until now, I'm still battling against these thoughts. So far, I have managed to calm myself down and it helped. The tension, although still present, is not as intense as before and I hope it totally goes away in the coming days.

I just realized how powerful our brains are. You know one month I was super active, the next I was worried. I only wish I can use my mind to think of more productive stuff and not about these things that are worthless. I'll try. And I should try HARDER!