Thursday, February 27, 2014

A Curious Case of a (Mild) Cyberchondriac

I really don't know how it all started. I wasn't like this. I used to be carefree and pay no attention to irregularities or sudden disturbances in my normalcy. But late last year, I just started developing this habit of searching the Internet every time I feel something weird about my body. Well, at first I thought I was just doing the right thing -- you know finding your own cure and getting better using your own treatments? Haha! They actually helped. But later on I got so drowned in this habit and all of a sudden, I started imagining things I shouldn't be.

They call it Cyberchondria. It's that "unfounded escalation of concerns about common symptomology based on review of search results and literature online. (Wikipedia)" In short, it's making simple things worse with the help of the Internet. Haha! Yeah! That's how I want to describe it. I wouldn't call mine a serious case, though, but if I don't stop it right now, it will be. 

I would consider idleness as the major culprit for this. Haha! Since I left job two years ago, the Internet has been my constant friend (well, aside from sleep and workout). From simple showbiz gossips to -- yeah -- health related issues, I've read most of them. While I thought I was just being inquisitive and staying up to date, I didn't realize that I was already putting too much information in my head. In the end, all the information got messed up and stressed me. Yeah, stressed me A LOT!

I got over it the first time until a few weeks ago it started happening again and it's driving me crazy!

Recently, I got muscle spasms in my back maybe because of wrong positions or bad posture when I do weightlifting and I started browsing symptoms on the Internet again. And voila! Anxiety attacked again. Ugh! I don't know how much Cortisol or any other hormones my brain or my body had already produced dealing with these thoughts and worries but I know I've caused damaged to my system. 

Good thing I still feel relatively okay despite the spasms. However, I think excessive worrying and overthinking brought other annoying stuff and I hate them. Sometimes I don't even know if they're real or just me. Ugh!

Gradually, I'm beginning to understand the situation and I'm currently in the process of calming myself and returning to that state of zen. 

I'd like to thank my mom and friends who would debunk all my thoughts via iMessage and LINE. Haha! They were a big help. 

Last night, I started doing meditation. I found helpful videos on Youtube (ironically from the Internet again. Lol). Breathing exercises also help. Starting today, I also vowed not to spend too much time online especially on reading stuff that will only make me imagine things. But what I really need is diversion. Yeah, because I've noticed that whenever I'm out or occupied, I feel okay. 

So what's the point of this post? Haha! I just want to share and inform you guys that anxiety is real. I never thought this would happen to me. It sounds sosyal but it doesn't feel good. Ugh! Haha! So a friendly reminder, don't think too much! :)

Monday, February 24, 2014

Life's A Big Puzzle

Just a quick post: 

Stumbled upon this very striking comic strip and thought I'd keep it here on my blog. Goodnight! :)

Friday, February 21, 2014

"What-ifs" and Second Chances

"How do you unwrite the past?... Or at least rewrite it?"

Watching "Starting Over Again," which starred Piolo Pascual and Toni Gonzaga has brought a lot of "what-ifs" to my mind. But don't worry, this is definitely not a movie review. Haha! I just missed writing spontaneously and letting the words from my mind come out. Aside from that, I've also been wanting to try this Blogger app I downloaded for my iPad. Haha! 

Anyway, as I was saying, wouldn't it be a relief if we could go back in time and tweak a few scenes from our lives? Personally, I wish I could. I wish I could go back to certain periods of my life; replay and edit them. 

I wish I could go back to the time when I started losing myself to earthly things. Haha! Admit it, we all got lost at certain points in our lives. You know, living like there's no tomorrow, trying things we haven't done before? Then, I thought it was just okay. In fact I enjoyed some of them. After all, that "we only live once" mantra isn't there for nothing, right? But looking back, I keep telling myself, "You could've said, 'no!'" I could have just stuck to my principles and values.

 I can't help but compare myself to my siblings who were able to flawlessly learn the ropes of Adulthood. I wish life was easy as playing The Sims. Haha!  You know, choosing a job, mastering a hobby, earning Simoleons for construction purposes, refilling your needs. Haha! But life is like magic -- you don't know what will happen next. Everyone has a unique story. And yes, we only live once but if we're to live a life, shouldn't we be living it meaningfully? 

I hate to use this cliché but I guess regret must really be always at the end. We only get to think of the consequences of our actions once they're already done. And now, there's nothing we can do but face these consequences because life will continue and we will move forward. Well, I guess that's how I see things now. 

I still haven't found the way back to the place where I left my old self but I'm still trying. Still lost. For those who were able to get back on track, teach me how. Time is running and I know that I have to get out of this situation soonest. I'm just so grateful that whatever life throws at me, I know that I have my family and friends to support and love me. 

Keep moving. 


*written on a cold, boring night after playing Sims FreePlay. Download it on the AppStore or Google Play. Lol*