I really don't know how it all started. I wasn't like this. I used to be carefree and pay no attention to irregularities or sudden disturbances in my normalcy. But late last year, I just started developing this habit of searching the Internet every time I feel something weird about my body. Well, at first I thought I was just doing the right thing -- you know finding your own cure and getting better using your own treatments? Haha! They actually helped. But later on I got so drowned in this habit and all of a sudden, I started imagining things I shouldn't be.
They call it Cyberchondria. It's that "unfounded escalation of concerns about common symptomology based on review of search results and literature online. (Wikipedia)" In short, it's making simple things worse with the help of the Internet. Haha! Yeah! That's how I want to describe it. I wouldn't call mine a serious case, though, but if I don't stop it right now, it will be.
I would consider idleness as the major culprit for this. Haha! Since I left job two years ago, the Internet has been my constant friend (well, aside from sleep and workout). From simple showbiz gossips to -- yeah -- health related issues, I've read most of them. While I thought I was just being inquisitive and staying up to date, I didn't realize that I was already putting too much information in my head. In the end, all the information got messed up and stressed me. Yeah, stressed me A LOT!
I got over it the first time until a few weeks ago it started happening again and it's driving me crazy!
Recently, I got muscle spasms in my back maybe because of wrong positions or bad posture when I do weightlifting and I started browsing symptoms on the Internet again. And voila! Anxiety attacked again. Ugh! I don't know how much Cortisol or any other hormones my brain or my body had already produced dealing with these thoughts and worries but I know I've caused damaged to my system.
Good thing I still feel relatively okay despite the spasms. However, I think excessive worrying and overthinking brought other annoying stuff and I hate them. Sometimes I don't even know if they're real or just me. Ugh!
Gradually, I'm beginning to understand the situation and I'm currently in the process of calming myself and returning to that state of zen.
I'd like to thank my mom and friends who would debunk all my thoughts via iMessage and LINE. Haha! They were a big help.
Last night, I started doing meditation. I found helpful videos on Youtube (ironically from the Internet again. Lol). Breathing exercises also help. Starting today, I also vowed not to spend too much time online especially on reading stuff that will only make me imagine things. But what I really need is diversion. Yeah, because I've noticed that whenever I'm out or occupied, I feel okay.
So what's the point of this post? Haha! I just want to share and inform you guys that anxiety is real. I never thought this would happen to me. It sounds sosyal but it doesn't feel good. Ugh! Haha! So a friendly reminder, don't think too much! :)