Thursday, June 4, 2015

The Reboot

Everything was just like yesterday.

I can still vividly recall everything in my mind: that moment I stepped foot in Singapore’s Changi airport bound for Qatar, the first few days of adjustments in Doha and the numerous job interviews I’ve had to endure before (finally!) landing one.

It’s been a year! :)

When my family sent me off for Qatar, I really had a heavy heart but I had to pretend I was fine. I didn’t want to speak too much to any of them lest I’ll start crying. I avoided being in that plight but I guess things were really just meant to happen that way.

It wasn’t the first time I’ve left the country but it was definitely the first time I’ve left knowing I won’t be back any time soon. It was also the first time I traveled abroad weeping. I was in an emotional struggle. I was a mess. I was trying to win a war I had created internally and while I know I have my family’s full support, I was really scared.

I was afraid of so many things that time, which included failure, loneliness, (and maybe) dying early. Haha! If you’ve been reading my previous posts, you’ll understand where I’m coming from. Hehe.

But God really knows what he’s doing and voila! :) It’s been a year and as of this writing, I would say that I have already fairly adjusted with my new life. I’m still trying to cope with a lot of things in Doha but I’m getting by. Time, as they say, really passes by fast and with all the things that had happened, I guess I was reborn. I didn’t even think I’d last this long here.

Qatar is a very different place compared to the Philippines. It’s a very wealthy country but as they say, “not everything that glitters is gold.” Haha! Kidding! Seriously, while I can enumerate a number of things I hate about this place (most especially the transportation system!), I’ve learned to love Doha as a second home. It sort of saved me from the misery I was in. It gave me the chance to redeem myself. It isn’t the perfect place for moving on but I’ve come to terms with its imperfections. I guess this is where exactly I should be.

Moving on was never easy. While things were going smoothly here, I was still in doubt for the most part of the year. I was still convinced that I’ll die soon. Haha! I guess it’s really the idleness and the fear of the future that fueled all these crazy thoughts. The past two years of not knowing what to do with my life was really a stress. Moreover, the thought that I have a degenerating disease added up to that.

It was when I started letting God take over my life that everything went back to normal again. I freed myself with all the worries and just lifted everything to Him. If I’m going to die, then I might as well do something good for my family – this became my new mantra. Haha! So instead of wasting my days worrying, I focused on landing a job but not totally pressuring myself to the point where I’d end up frustrated (and even more stressed and depressed). I just believed in God’s plan and while I still don’t know exactly what it is, I think that it led me to this job I have right now.

Since then, I slowly started feeling better again. I slow started to rekindle shelved hobbies and goals. I slowly started being me again while pieces of my life’s puzzle were also getting into their places properly. It was a reboot. I guess I just really needed a change of environment and a diversion (my new job) to be normal again. And I also realized that there’s really no way of telling when is our time to die. It’s not in our hands. All we can do for now is to just seize every single moment of our lives and be ready when the time has come to face our Creator.