I can still vividly recall everything in my mind:
that moment I stepped foot in Singapore’s Changi airport bound for Qatar, the
first few days of adjustments in Doha and the numerous job interviews I’ve had
to endure before (finally!) landing one.
It’s been a year! :)
When my family sent me off for Qatar, I really had
a heavy heart but I had to pretend I was fine. I didn’t want to speak too much
to any of them lest I’ll start crying. I avoided being in that plight but I
guess things were really just meant to happen that way.
It wasn’t the first time I’ve left the country but
it was definitely the first time I’ve left knowing I won’t be back any time
soon. It was also the first time I traveled abroad weeping. I was in an
emotional struggle. I was a mess. I was trying to win a war I had created
internally and while I know I have my family’s full support, I was really
scared.
I was afraid of so many things that time, which included
failure, loneliness, (and maybe) dying early. Haha! If you’ve been reading my
previous posts, you’ll understand where I’m coming from. Hehe.
But God really knows what he’s doing and voila! :)
It’s been a year and as of this writing, I would say that I have already fairly
adjusted with my new life. I’m still trying to cope with a lot of things in
Doha but I’m getting by. Time, as they say, really passes by fast and with all
the things that had happened, I guess I was reborn. I didn’t even think I’d
last this long here.
Qatar is a very different place compared to the
Philippines. It’s a very wealthy country but as they say, “not everything that
glitters is gold.” Haha! Kidding! Seriously, while I can enumerate a number of
things I hate about this place (most especially the transportation system!), I’ve
learned to love Doha as a second home. It sort of saved me from the misery I
was in. It gave me the chance to redeem myself. It isn’t the perfect place for
moving on but I’ve come to terms with its imperfections. I guess this is where
exactly I should be.
Moving on was never easy. While things were going smoothly
here, I was still in doubt for the most part of the year. I was still convinced
that I’ll die soon. Haha! I guess it’s really the idleness and the fear of the
future that fueled all these crazy thoughts. The past two years of not knowing
what to do with my life was really a stress. Moreover, the thought that I have
a degenerating disease added up to that.
It was when I started letting God take over my life
that everything went back to normal again. I freed myself with all the worries
and just lifted everything to Him. If I’m going to die, then I might as well do
something good for my family – this became my new mantra. Haha! So instead of
wasting my days worrying, I focused on landing a job but not totally pressuring
myself to the point where I’d end up frustrated (and even more stressed and
depressed). I just believed in God’s plan and while I still don’t know exactly
what it is, I think that it led me to this job I have right now.
Since then, I slowly started feeling better again.
I slow started to rekindle shelved hobbies and goals. I slowly started being me
again while pieces of my life’s puzzle were also getting into their places
properly. It was a reboot. I guess I just really needed a change of environment
and a diversion (my new job) to be normal again. And I also realized that
there’s really no way of telling when is our time to die. It’s not in our
hands. All we can do for now is to just seize every single moment of our lives
and be ready when the time has come to face our Creator.
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