Under the Middle Eastern Sun

Waiting for boarding at this very moment I'm writing this entry. I'm bound for Qatar. Leaving your loved-ones is really never an easy thing, I bet you'd all agree. I will never ever wish a life without my family. We may have our moments of conflicts and misunderstandings but we surely love one another. Earlier was the first time I wept leaving for abroad. Most of the time I'm really excited and thrilled at the experience. I actually had to go to the comfort room after passing through the Immigration and cry. Haha! And now this "Let It Go" video playing on the waiting area is making me cry again. Ugh! Anyway!

Life really teaches us lessons in different ways. Sometimes we're not even ready. Mine came up at a very bad timing. I was feeling physically weak for almost three months already when this opportunity to go abroad materialized. In a snap, everything was set. I had to deal with a lot of emotional moments before arriving at this decision to go. In the end, I had to be mature enough to handle it.

My primary reason for going is the belief that everything happened because it's part of God's bigger plan for me: this health issue, this opportunity, they're connected. There is no perfect timing in growing up and facing the challenges of life. I've been preparing for this since the year started and now that it's here I'm thinking twice just because I felt I'm not ready yet. But then, things happened and I'm here. 

I believe that God put me in this situation to learn. I believe that He had to let this happen because He wants me to be independent enough to survive. Sure my family will always be there for me but will that be fair? While they're working their asses off, I'm just doing nothing but depend? I know it's not an issue for them but it is for me. I want to be able to provide also for them. I want to be useful. So I guess hadn't I continued with the plan, I will still feel guilty about the efforts and resources that could've gone to waste. 

Yes, I am sad but I would've been sadder had I resisted this change. At least now I have an ongoing goal to provide for my family while I still can. I'm not getting any younger and it's now or never. I could give up. I could stay stuck. Or I could move on. I choose to move on and hope for a better future not only for me but for everyone in the family. This physical issue ain't stopping me. I will succeed.

Qatar, let's do this!

Somewhere Only We Know

Uncertainties. Uncertainties. Ugh! Paralyzing. Since I,ve had that upper back muscle tension two months ago (which, I think is getting better now), I really find it hard to recover from overthinking. And yeah, maybe I got depressed already in the process. Up until now, I still don't have a clue about what really caused that muscle tension that really freaked me out, which according to the "general public" was just in my head. Haha! Well, my attempts to feel better worked, I guess, but negative thoughts still linger in my head and I hate it. 

How do you stop your mind from wandering? How do you deal with that "fight or flight" situations that it creates? It's really hard to predict what's gonna happen in the future and I don't know why I've developed this habit of expecting doom and preparing for its aftermath. It's like I'm waiting on something that may not happen at all. But why do I do this to myself? I don't know. Really. 

But if there's any good this thing did to me was that it strenghtened my faith in God. I've learned to lift everything up to Him and trust His plans. I've realized that no matter how hard I worry, things will happen if they're meant to happen. What can we do right now is to try to make things perfect and be happy while we're still given the chance. Seize the moment. Enjoy every minute. We'll never know what the future could bring but if we have faith, we are assured that everything will be alright in the end. 

I'm in SG again for vacation,btw. Haha! :)