Amazing how time flies and changes happen without us even knowing that they have already transpired. Looking back, I wish I could have paid more attention and became more aware of things. I grew up to become very stiff and predictable. Boring -- in short! I am the typical kind of person who lives by the tick of the clock and what people expect me to be. I am always the good guy. I don’t waste time. I am surrounded by values. I am afraid of taking chances, challenges, and committing failures. Maybe that's the reason why most of the time, I settle for mediocrity. I would say that I have talents, but honestly, I don't get to share them much because of fear -- fear about being stereotyped or bashed. Whatever! But when I got to this point in my life, I started wondering about possibilities.
Okay. Here I go again with my realizations. Haha! Mostly are frustrations actually that only make me sad. I don't know why but there always comes a point where all you would think of are the "what ifs" of life and the decisions that you have made. This month came and went so fast. I didn't even notice that all throughout, I was drifting -- physically functioning (yes) but mentally absent. LOL. Good thing I was still able to perform well with my job.
The not-so good thing about growing up is handling life. Life was so simple way back when I was a kid. "Eat and play" as I'll put it. But as I grow up, things get more and more complicated. I started discovering things about myself and about the world that challenged my beliefs. Life has become a daily question that the end of the day still remains unanswered. This may sound silly but sometimes, I just wish I didn't go to school and knew all the things I know now. Seeing how most of my relatives live a simple yet happy life with nothing to worry about but surviving the day, I think that's what's important.
However, I don't see myself like that. Haha! I can't just stay at home and do nothing for the rest of my life. I'm not thinking of retiring early also. That would be suicide. LOL. But this month, I came to realize that if I want to be happy and if I want to deliver good outputs, I must enjoy and love what I do. I really believe that I have a specific purpose in life that I need to find out. I believe that, that's the only way I can really find happiness and fulfillment.
From that thinking, a plan was developed. Not that concrete, though, but I should make it work. So what's the plan? Explore! I'm looking at things that interest me and areas where I can say I'm an "expert" and I'll start from there. If one thing doesn't work out, I'll go to another option until I finally find my niche. It'll be a long journey but that's the risk I have to take and I am pretty sure that it will yield good results. Duration? Lifetime! Hahaha! Only God knows when I'll figure out that purpose. But I'll know it from my heart, I'm sure.
So starting today, I will really try to be more and more and more optimistic! No more frustrations! Only positive thoughts and hopefully, these would contribute to a better me.
Cut the drama! Haha! Til next time. :P