What's next?

Have you ever been completely clueless about something in your life particularly about what's ahead for you in the future or maybe your purpose of existence?  It may sound weird but this state of total "bumness" that I am in right now makes me wonder about those things. Haha!

I've been here actually. But this time, I'm pretty sure it's worse. Moving forward after leaving a life I was so used to a year ago was really THE biggest decision I should've taken more seriously. Ugh! 

And after a year, the biggest question I'm still trying to answer is "What's next?"

Yeah, yeah. Things happened and there's no sense in regretting now. And come to think of it, there's really no one to blame about everything that's happened but myself. It's just that starting from scratch was really harder than I thought.   

But what's good about what's happening to me right now is that I'm getting to know myself more and more.  I've learned to care more about how I look and about how I carry myself in front of people. Also, I am getting stronger facing the world knowing that one day, things will turn out the way I want them. I have also developed that renewed sense of faith; that God is the only one who understands what I'm going through right now.

I basically have what I need but I know life can get better if I help make it better for us. Material things can't make you happy, PURPOSE and that sense of usefulness will. And that's what I need to have/find out. Only then will I feel complete and useful again.

On a lighter note and to those who care, LOL, I just got back from a two-month vacation again in SG. I intentionally overate and eventually gained a few pounds because my mom didn't like how I look last year. Haha! And yes, still struggling to settle down, career-wise. Somebody land me a job already! LOL